my bro (12) accidently didn’t close the last video he watched which was named “5 myths about vaginas” so my dad saw that and instead of flipping shit he just did the worst thing a father could do so he said “son.. sit down. we gonna watch that together” and my brother left the room crying.
I hit words at random on iOS 8’s new predictive text feature so I could see what type of sentence my phone thinks I’m likely to say, and
I’m putting my cat on a vegan diet.
"how could you do that! that’s animal abuse"
No it’s not. a vegan-only diet is actually very healthy for them.
"cats are carnivores. they need to eat meat"
I know. that’s why it’s a vegan-only diet. I feed them only the finest vegans I can find.
I was about to go off on you